FAMILY RELATIONSHIP SEMINAR, MOSCOW, RUSSIA, 19th AUGUST 2007, PART 1
Human life is meant to realize God. So that means everything in God’s creation is connected to Him. So what’s correct means it’s connected to God and what’s incorrect means it’s not connected to God. That’s the real definition of piety. So whatever in your life you can connect to God then that’s actually considered pious. And what’s not connected to God then is considered impious. So that’s the basis.
So human relationship actually is based on the same principles as relationship with God. Means, God is the original person, everybody is expanding from God. So expanding from God means the same principles that are there in a God conscious relationship apply even in the material. Because the material is still it’s God’s creation, it’s coming from Him, so it still follows the laws of God. Even if one tries to avoid God, the process you use to avoid Him is still according to the laws of God. The point is try as you like, you can’t get away from God. So the intelligent person rather than fighting God’s laws follows them. Then they are successful in all spheres of life, and ultimately in spiritual. But it’s still, following God’s laws even the material works better, because He is the one who created the laws of nature.
So the original principle is, there is the Lord. And He is self-satisfied. He is existence. And to expand His pleasure, He expands the creation. So therefore He is the original male, the creation is female. So therefore He is unlimited. That means, every aspect of relationship that there is is in the Lord. But what expands from Him is only a portion. So that means the relationship between God and the creation then will be flavored by the particular mood of that portion of the creation. Let us take a lady and she has a son. Now, this lady, she also has a relationship with her husband, she has a relationship with her father, she has a relationship with friends. So all these relationships are there in this one person. But the son just sees her only as mother. So the son draws from the mother the mood of mother, husband will draw the mood of wife, father will draw the mood of a daughter, and friends will draw that of friends. So this is the principle of the ashraya and vishaya. Vishaya means, so many qualities are there, ashraya means, due to their quality they draw a particular quality from the vishaya. So God is the Enjoyer, or vishaya and creation is the ashraya, or enjoyed.
So then we see then in this male principle then there is two major aspects: that of atmarama, self satisfied, and the other is that of interacting with the creation. So now from that, when you expand, from the creation, then that’s where, by interaction happiness comes. So then we see is that God being existence, when He expands, then that is the pleasure potency. So then that would mean that the Energetic is masculine, the energy is feminine. And so you have the existence of these two, but then you have the interaction of these two. So then this brings about the element that the masculine element means that it interacts based on the mood of the feminine. Very important element.
Two mistakes that is generally made by men in dealing with women is that they feel that if they’ve created the environment in which to protect the woman, the relationship is complete. But that’s the masculine mood when the creation is not expanded. In other words, the man is only existing, nothing is happening. So in this then maybe to make it more clear is that a man performs an activity to get a tangible result. That’s the field of activity. So in other words, men interact with the field to expand the field, make more field. You get money, you buy things, there’s more facility. So man thinks, if I’ve done something, it’s got a result, then it’s good, it’s worthwhile. The feminine view is that when an activity is performed, it’s not so much the tangible result, but the experience that’s important. If the woman has an interest in the tangible result, it’s only because that tangible result then will give the experience. The woman wants a house. So the man feels, having arranged and gotten the house, now everything is fine. But the woman wants the house because now in the house you can interact. You can have a family, you can be secure. Experiences of interacting with family and friends and social prestige – those are the experiences gained from the house. So it’s not the house. So it appears that it’s the common goal, but for the man it’s gaining the thing, for the woman it’s the experience gained from it. So the man has performed the activity, gotten the house, in his mind – job done. Because the house exists, male principle – existence. House exists, so everything is fine. But the feminine is experience. And experience is gained in a moment, in the present. So that means, unless there’s constant endeavor, there isn’t constant experience, means there is not constant relationship. One can say, “This is my wife,” so in existence then, yes, this is the wife, that’s the techinical relationship. But relationship is actually a dynamic, living force. So if the husband is interacting with the wife, then you call that relationship.
Can we tell the difference between these two definitions? In other words, the static, actual, legalistic definition and the living experiential definition? Yes? No? So the man thinks in the first one, the woman thinks in the second one. But the point is is men can think in both, woman can only think in the one. But when man thinks just in things or existence, that’s without women. That mentality doesn’t include the woman. So that’s a good mentality if you wanna be celibate. That’s why you generally see man can remain celibate and do fine if he can function in that platform of existence. But if the man wants to interact with the woman, then he must recognize her need for experience. As we mentioned, the electricity is dependent upon the generator running. If the generator only exists and is not running, the generator is there, but there is no electricity. But when the generator is running then there is electricity. So as long as the generator is running electricity exists, but when it stops there is no electricity. So as long as the man is interacting, relationship is alive. And when he just takes up his couch potato existence, then it stops. Does that make sense? So this is the principle that we’re functioning on here, how to identify what’s actually male and what’s female.
The other mistake that the man makes is to expect that the woman is going to respond to his needs. In other words, he puts himself in the feminine position and his wife in the masculine. Because we said, Krishna has so many aspects, He relates to the creation according to how it relates to Him. So who is dependent, means, they’re the ones who it goes around. Means, the man is independent, the wife is dependent. So that means the relationship is depending upon in dealing where the woman is at present. Means, the woman is in a good mood, so the man relates to the woman in a good mood. The woman is in a bad mood, then the man relates to the woman starting from her, trying to help her in her bad mood. Does that make sense? So this is generally opposite of what most men do. The man thinks, “Whatever mood I’m in that’s what the woman should respond to.” No, that’s what your mother used to do. Because technically in the relationship between the mother and the son, the son is actually in the feminine position, the mother is in the masculine position. You’re hungry, she feeds you, you cry, she pats you on the head, you’re tired, she puts you to bed. You’re the dependent one, she’s the independent one. But when you get big and you get married, then it’s a wife, not your mother. That means, she is dependent upon you. Now you’re in the masculine position, she’s in the feminine position, so that means, what is her mood, that’s what you reciprocate with.
If you think about it, this is where women get frustrated. Either one is not interacting because one either sees no need to create a field or one has created the field, but whatever it is, one is not active. Or we see that one is active, but the man is trying to make himself the center, which means, he is the dependent, which means he is the female, which means, his wife thought she married a male. So that means then the experience won’t actually be working right, because the relationship is not happening. It’s either not happening or happening backwards. So therefore women get frustrated. So that frustration is based on security. So that concept of security, then it means, because they’re dependent, they need to be secure. The secure means they’re getting an experience that they find favorable. But if the man isn’t providing that then they’ll feel insecure. So a woman’s anger or frustration always comes from insecurity. A man’s frustration comes from the inability to obtain a tangible result that he thought he would get from a particular activity. So the realities of the two, what they consider substance, is different.
But now, as we mentioned, there’s these two aspects of the masculine mentality. So since God expanded the creation to interact with it and therefore expand His happinesss, then in the same way the man has gotten married to the woman with the idea that he is going to expand his happiness. As we mentioned in this formula, the independent works with the dependent depending on the mood of the dependent. So then that means, then the man’s happiness depends upon the woman’s happiness. The woman is happy, the man is happy, woman is not happy, man is not happy. Manu makes this point, if the women of the family are happy, the house is bright, and if they’re not happy it’s quite gloomy. So that means, the man could function in both existences, either existing just statically with the world or dynamically interacting with the woman. But if you’ve gotten married, your choice is made up, means, you have to interact, otherwise it doesn’t work. Does that make sense? So that is the spiritual principle. And that reflects then into the material world. You can follow it or not as you like, but that’s the science. It’s not that there’s another option that you can speculate and say, “Well, this is what I want.” You want to be happy, you have to make the woman happy first, then you’ll be happy. You try to be happy first, then the woman won’t be happy, you won’t be happy. Think about it. Wife does something funny or wrong, the man has a good laugh about it. How long does the laughter lasts until she becomes angry and then you got a three day argument on your hands? So if you’re so masculine that you go by tangible results, compare it: three days of suffering for about three seconds of laughter, does it add up, is it worth it? If you’re smart I would expect you to say no. Therefore, make the wife happy, then that three days you don’t fight.
So basically what it means is that your’e continuously proving that the relationship exists. Wife is dependent, that means the man has to show that the relationship is there. If you think about it, the questions that women ask are simply to find out the relationship, to generate interaction or to test the strength or depth of the relationship. Isn’t it? “Do you like the new dress?” That’s the start of discussion that you should have already started. But you didn’t, you didn’t notice, so they have to ask. So that’s one form. If you say, “Oh, yes, very nice”, then they say “No, you don’t”. Conversation has already started. Now they’re testing the connection. Now you have to be very sincere and prove that, yes, you really like the outfit. And if you prove it then she is very happy, everything goes well. You don’t prove it, she feels insecure, and then you have another one of your three day gloomy periods. So can you see the difference? So basically it’s a matter of relationship and checking that that relationship is strong. All fights, all arguments from the woman’s side is simply due to a lack of confidence. That’s been generated from a word that’s said, a mood that is there or some form of inconsideration.
Srila Rupa Goswami, then he establishes that in a relationship, means, there is the field. So in this case, since we’re discussing household life, we’re gonna take it that the field is man-woman. Using the intelligence you discern, “Okay, here’s a person I think I could live with.” So there’s attraction, based on some qualities. Then, by contemplating that attraction, it develops into attachment. So this attachment, if we notice, it’s crossed from intelligence where intelligence is not functioning. Attachment means, you don’t use the intelligence. So you’ve crossed from sambandha or relationship into prayojana. That means, you’ve crossed over the intellectual aspect of the cit potency. So, means, intelligence isn’t what makes the relationship work. It’s need that makes it work. Then after that then there will be interaction. That’s how the mind works: thinking, feeling, willing, goes from sambandha, to prayojana, back to abhideya. So when it comes to abhideya, then if there is consideration, then that develops confidence. If there’s no consideration in the interaction, then the woman immediately thinks, “There is no attachment, therefore there is no attraction, therefore there is no relationship.” That’s why you have to prove the relationship. Therefore, “Oh, you don’t like the cooking, oh, you don’t like the clothes, oh, you don’t think I am beautiful, you think someone else is better.” Because there is a doubt in the woman’s mind on the relationship because of your inconsideration. You see the process we’re using?
Therefore unless the man is considerate, a woman can’t be confident, unless she is confident, she will be unconfident which means she’ll be frustrated. That’s why the vishaya, or the masculine principle, has to respond to the feminine principle in the mood that they are at right now, in the moment. Consideration is in the Vedic calculation counted in moments. A moment is 1/11 of a second. That mean,s what is the mood the woman at in this moment is what you have to deal with and be considerate of this moment. Not that you’re doing something, then the woman walks into the room, wants to interact, and you say: just 2 minutes. 2 minutes is 120 times 11 moments. You know what can happen in that many moments? That’s over a thousand moments! Do you understand what you’re dealing with here? It not a matter of “Oh, it’s only 2 minutes, dear,” no, it’s one thousand moments. So now again, here is your decision, your choice. Do you want three days of trouble or do you want to drop whatever you’re doing, and you’ll get that word put back later on your computer or you’ll finish that game on your computer later or you”ll finish the last sentence on the paragraph on the newspaper later and have a nice interaction now. Basically, you have a three moment grace period that if you don’t respond correctly within three moments, you’ve got a problem. And that’s stretching it, better two moments, one moment. So that takes brains, it takes intelligence to be focused. So if you say, men are more intelligent, here is where you’re supposed to be using it. Otherwise if you don’t and you end up with your argument then who’s stupid? The men will think the women are stupid, but the women know the men are stupid. You got it? You think they’re stupid, they know you’re stupid. Does that make sense? So that’s the whole point.
The difficulty comes is when you reflect the original formulas, spiritual formulas into the material world then even though the formula works the same, the influence is different. Means, the same formulas of sambandha, abhideya and prayojana, relationship, process and goal, work on the spiritual relationships, material relationships, inanimate relationships, any relationship. Means, whether it’s vaikuntha rasa, svargiya rasa or parthiva rasa, means spiritual, emotional, or sensual, it’s still the same formula. So that, the formulas are the same, the difficulty is, sambandha is represented by the Sandhini potency which is the existence potency, so that when it reflects into the material world becomes the mode of ignorance. The Cit or knowledge potency reflects as the mode of passion and the Hladini potency reflects as the mode of goodness. So that means that generally what happens is as we said sambandha is the masculine principle, prayojana is the feminine principle. So then that will mean that reflecting it into the material world the masculine principle tends to be in the mode of ignorance. So that means, they’re dealing in things, dead matter. I got this, but if you notice, it’s past, “I go this, I got a house, I got a car, I got a washing machine, I got a dryer, I even got a hair blow dryer,” you know, but it’s all past. Or, “Oh, you’re not happy with that? I will get you this, I will get you that, I will…” That’s the mode of passion, that’s in the abhideya, it’s future. But the feminine works in the present, mode of goodness means present. We’re not saying that the females are all in the mode of goodness, we’re saying the principle they function on is from that. So the principle they work on is the present. So therefore the present is the moment. One moment ahead is future, one moment behind is past.
So therefore if you want to deal with the woman, you have to deal in the present. That means, you are active, it’s going on right now. The men can sit around in the pub, totally in the mode of ignorance and be happily with each other. But the women, it has to be happening now. That’s what masculine is. Good chance, it’s maybe opposite of what you thought it was. Being tough, being cool, being served by the women. But what’s happened there is, we have taken the existence side of masculine and matched that with a feminine mentality, to be served. The tough, cool macho male actually is just a very ugly looking female. Because even though they’re tough and cool, they’re completely dependent upon the women to prove that they are men. Does that make sense? So because they are dependent, that makes it feminine. And that’s why the women aren’t very impressed by all the toughness and coolness. The men think it’s cool amongst themselves. But the women generally kind-of think, most of the time men are jerks. So it’s a problem, So that’s why then if one actually studies and understands what’s masculine, then one will know how to act.
Means, a relationship means there is a common point. So women are weak and dependent. And that weakness also infers gentleness. The men is supposed to be strong and independent. Where is the common point? Weak, dependent, strong, independent, where is the commonality? So the common point is gentleness, consideration, then you have a relationship. So if the man is not gentle, not considerate, where is the relationship, what it’s based on? So this is aspects of our philosophy that, generally seeing it as a philosophy, we never transfer philosophy into culture, and definitely not culture into our lives. Does that make sense? So that’s the whole point, we’re supposed to understand what we’re doing. We’re supposed to contemplate, we are supposed to apply these things.
Is there any questions on this?
Q1: Can there be friendly relationship between man and lady? Why and how it influences, how it reflects in their consciousness?
HH BVPS Mahraja: Krishna’s girlfriends, means the conjugal rasa, are in friendship rasa with Balarama. And Balarama’s girlfriends are friends with Krishna. So means, if one is focused on one’s own partner, then friendship can be there with others in the grihastha ashram, or like that. But that focus is there. Brahmacharis, brahmacharinis generally they will avoid being too friendly, because you don’t have that triangle. You have your relationship, this is added to it. Does that make sense? So that’s why brahmacharis, brahmacharinis, they just do their service, they bump into each other in their service, then that service it’s there, but other than that they don’t interact. So in other words, somebody is there, the girl has somebody she is connected to, the husband, the father, the son, there is something there, then you can have friendship.
Q2: In your Varnachrama seminar it is said that brahmacharis, vanaprasthas and sannyasis are those who are surrendering to Krishna today and grihasthas are those who will surrender to tomorrow. Is there any chance or method for grihasthas to surrender to Krishna today?
HH BVPS Maharaja: You have to take the context in which we say today and tomorrow. Today means what’s right now, tomorrow means later. The point we’re making is the brahmachari, vanaprastha and sannyasi, all they have is service to Krishna, because they have no distraction. Or their distraction is within the service, like Mahaprasadam, so like that. That distraction is not too much of a problem, at least for the brahmachari who got the Maha, maybe for the one who was too late.
But the grihastha is distracted by certain just material desire, so they get married to actually deal head on with that distraction. This idea of ignorance is bliss doesn’t work in this place. Means, you transfer the ignorance back to the sandhini potency, that’s Krishna, then, yes, He is bliss, but we are talking about people here, the conditioned souls. So knowledge creates the mode of goodness, which creates happiness. So through knowledge you deal properly. So if one is distracted by women, unless you know what are and how to deal with them, how are you going to be able with knowledge act in the mode of goodness and elevate yourself? Does that make sense? And you are forced, if you understand the science, by the nature of women to act in the mode of goodness. You’re gonna be successful with the woman means you have to be humble, you have to be tolerant, you have to be respectful, not expect anything back for yourself. You can’t be overwhelmed by your senses, you can’t be inactive, all great qualities to go back to Godhead. So in other words what you didn’t learn from being a brahmachari, now you’re gonna be forced to learn as a grihastha. So that’s what we’re meaning, is by practicing it, we were talking about a good brahmachari is engaged today, a good grihastha, it’s just a matter a time before he gets the same realization, because he is following the same process. Just that the brahmachari is following in a very simple, straightforward way and the grihastha is following the same formulas in a very complex way. But both will get to the same place. So that’s one part of that question.
The other part is, anyway the grihastha is chanting and doing other service, so they are connected to Krishna. But there are things to distract them from Krishna’s service that they’re having through their intelligence to connect to Krishna and bring it back to Krishna. While the position of the brahmachari is direct.
Q3: Could you please explain what is the basis of non-acceptance of a certain ashrama, that one is not a brahmachari, but doesn’t become a grihastha? How one can develop spiritually in that situation?
HH BVPS Maharaja: So it’s not a matter of not accepting, it’s a matter of lack of focus. As is described in the Mahabharata, that success is gained through focus, endeavor and dependence upon the Supreme. So therefore if there is focus, you know what to do, and you do it, and you get a result. So if there is lack of focus, nothing happens. On the market there’s hundreds and thousands of these self-help books, all they’re trying to do is develop in you focus. So because when there is focus, something gets done. Otherwise then, if there is no focus, then there is ignorance. And this ignorant masculine concept is useless. So because the living entity due to ignorance thinks they are God and thinks they are the controller and the enjoyer. But it’s a mistake in one’s existence.
So therefore that’s why it always comes up as a problem and it’s turned around backwards. You think because I’m already the controller, therefore I deserve to enjoy. But you have to work for enjoyment. And you aren’t God. We are servant. So that means, we are going to get happiness through service or through sacrifice. Austerity, charity and sacrifice, Krishna says even the great personalities don’t give this up. So austerity means the proper performance of your duties. Sacrifice means voluntarily giving up something for someone else. So the performance of your prescribed duties or your austerity becomes the medium for your sacrifice. So that means, you have to focus, you have to do something and that doing something has to be in the mood of service.
So the brahmachari, he is serving under the teacher. The grihastha is serving his family, community, and what he can, anything other than that, the devotional activities, like that. The vanaprastha is then pulling in the senses, developing more knowledge and giving that knowledge to the community. They have experience, so therefore then now they are helping others with it. Sannyasi is serving through giving knowledge to the community. What does the bachelor do for the community? He doesn’t want to surrender to anyone, so he is not surrendered necessarily to authority, he is not surrendering to a family, because that’s too much trouble, the temple is too much trouble, a family is too much trouble, so who are they surrendered to? So basically it’s, one doesn’t want to take responsibility, but one wants to have full freedom to be happy. So socially they don’t really have a position. The only value actually in the community, means we are talking socially, is they are potential grihasthas. Brahmacharis are brahmacharis, bachelors are potential grihasthas. But unless they are trained as brahmacharis, how are they gonna make good grihasthas? So that’s socially and they’ll have to deal with that independence.
But devotional service is so powerful that no matter what position you are in at the present, by chanting, taking prasadam, doing some service, one will spiritually advance. So if one can’t make a decision, by oneself or with the help of others, where one should situate oneself, continuing chanting, taking prasad, doing how much service you can, and with time one will get purified, it will become more obvious. So in other words, don’t get worried about it, but don’t be comfortable with it. Comfortable meaning, “Oh, it’s fine, it doesn’t matter.” If one has been a professional bachelor for most of his life, one can always move into vanaprastha. But some ashram is always better than nothing.
The Pandavas were attacked by Citraratha, and he explained the only reason he attacked them was because they weren’t brahmacharis and they weren’t grihasthas, so they weren’t actually situated in Varnashrama. And as ksatriyas they didn’t have a brahmana leading them. So they had no Guru, they had no wife, so they were up for being shot at by Gandharva arrows. So it’s something to think about. Don’t become neurotic, don’t become schizophrenic. But never let the words cross your lips that, “Oh, it’s fine, it doesn’t matter, we chant Hare Krishna, we don’t care.” You have to care. But if you don’t know what to do at present, don’t worry about it, keep serving, keep chanting, it will become obvious in time.
Q.4: All that you say is true. There is no doubt about it. What can the wife do if the husband is simply existing and not willing to interact with the wife? I’m not asking what she did wrong or what he did wrong, but what can be done in that situation? I greatly value your answer.
HH BVPS Maharaja: The normal course of activities is that the woman to catch, she herself will be the one who will be very considerate. The normal course of activities for a woman to catch a man, in the process of catching a man then she is always very careful and considerate, you know, being inspiring. But that’s because the relationship hasn’t been established. So the relationship is not very deep. Because depth can only come when there is confidence. Right? Once a couple is committed to each other then that confidence, you know, specifically in marriage, then that confidence grows. And that confidence growing means possession grows. Confidence is there is because now there is possession. Right? So because the possession is there, now one’s confident that the relationship exists.
So then the woman, by nature her position is to increase happiness, right? But energy doesn’t flow in a straight line. Energy is crooked. Right? Yeah, so it’s always moving, right? So that means, increasing means it will go up, then it will go down, then it can go up higher, then it can go down lower, then it can go up more high. So how low it can go is how high it can go, right? So the farther back I can pull my arm, the farther I can throw the rock forward. Right? Remember, women were created for God. He’s eternal, so everything is increasing eternally. Right? And He doesn’t have a problem thinking “I’m male.” So therefore when the women create this mood of jealous anger, He doesn’t think “What is this? I am God, why are they doing this?” He deepens the relationship by being humble and bringing it back up. So the normal thing is is when there’s possession then one is happy, so then the woman starts to increase that happiness. So that’s done by reciprocating whatever nice things have been done by the man. But she is reciprocating what he has done first. If a woman does something first, that means she wants something. Right? Otherwise she only responds to what the man does first. And then how much he does that much she responds to that. And the other thing is to create arguments. An argument is actually the potential to take the curve higher than it was before. But this depends upon the man responding properly to the woman’s anger. If he doesn’t respond properly, it keeps going south, the stock market crushes. But if you deal with it properly, it immediately bounces back and goes higher than it was before. Possession means it’s yours, it does what you want it to. So that means then the masculine nature then is dealing with that, because possession means it’s mine so therefore you deal with where they’re at at the moment. Does that make sense? So that’s the normal flow of things because of that element of confidence based on possession.
But now, if it’s not functioning like this, like this question says, then even though the husband is yours, but still you have to deal in such a way as if he isn’t. In other words one has to be more considerate, more inspiring, find some way, some angle that somehow or other sparks a bit of life. Something that inspires the potato to get off the couch. So in other words, women according to Canakya they are four times more clever than men, so use that cleverness. You have to put on the side that you feel bad, that this is yours, it’s not working right, so the point is is, you have to kick start it. And in this sense we might literally mean kick, but whatever. In other words, be more encouraging, stop criticizing. Criticism can be used, dissatisfaction can be used if the man is behaving properly. Because it will inspire him to do better and better and better, because he is active. Something that’s moving if you push it, it moves more. But something that’s not moving, you may push it, it may not go anywhere. So even though it’s the natural nature and response of the woman to find a difficulty, find a fault, find some flash point to create an argument, she shouldn’t use that technique. So she has to develop the attraction and attachement and inspiration in the man that he feels like to do something. Does that make sense? Do you see the process? Then once it’s going then of course then the woman can go back into her natural position, because the man is in his natural position. So in other words, all you’re doing is using the same science, but you are just taking it, you are using it in reverse, you’re going back to where you were and moving it, you are in this position, but you’re starting here and trying to get it moving. You have to get behind something to push it. So pulling it doesn’t work, go on the other side and push it. Does that make sense?
Q.5: Can a woman be happy, despite of how the man treats her? Can a lonely woman be happy?
BVPS Maharaja: Basically ultimately we are looking at it that Krishna is The Man. We look at it, Rukmini Devi, she makes the comment, “What woman in a right mind would ever, after knowing Krishna, ever accept a bag of stool and urine for a husband?” Therefore one can, with great effort, adjust one’s attachment to Krishna. But don’t expect material results from it. Expect spiritual satisfaction. Men deal with the material, Krishna deals with the spiritual. Therefore then one can see that Krishna is always there, He doesn’t go away. Krishna is in the heart, Krishna will go with you to places that even your mother won’t go with you. So He has proved Himself that He is reliable, Krishna is there. So even though it may not create much prestige, other facilities and so many material emotional responses, one can be satisfied. And satisfaction is the basis for happiness. Satisfaction means being happy with what you have, not what you want to get. Material happiness means when I get what I want, that moment I get it I’m happy. But satisfaction is, “I ‘m happy with what I have now.” So in other words, if one is satisfied with what one has now, one’s situation will improve. Dissatisfaction has never done anyone any good. If you become satisfied then you see 50% of your problems go away. And then what’s left, connect that to Krishna.
Q.6: Could you please tell how can we explain the phrase “sincere pretender”?
HH BVPS Maharaja: Sincere pretender? Who said this phrase “sincere pretender”?
Translator: Doesn’t say.
HH BVPS Maharaja: How do you explain “sincere pretender”? I’m not sure what that comes… Is that a Russian phrase? The point is is, it’s like we have a drama. In this drama, everyone has a part. How well you play that part is how well the drama is appreciated both by the actors and by the audience. So how well you try to emulate the actual proper feelings and activities of the part is how successful it is. Because ultimately living entity doesn’t belong here and is not the body. So it is a drama. So the better you play the part then the better the drama goes. One may say, “Well, I’m not interested in this drama.” But then you are gonna have a problem. Where are you gonna go? You can’t say “Back to Godhead,” because there also they are playing a drama. Pastimes means drama, right? Krishna is God, source of everything, but He is son of mother Yashoda. So how does that work unless it’s a drama? So when Krishna comes to this world, He plays the part. He says, “I have no part to play in this material world, but I play the part to set example. Does that make sense?
So in the same way we see all the devotees of the Lord, they also play the part. But you can not play the part here and play the part there, but that’s called a Paramahamsa. So you can only give up playing a part here if you are playing a part in the spiritual world. So if you are not playing a part there, you have to play one here. So one has to do one’s best. One must give it one’s full attention and commitment. That’s sincere. Does that make sense?
Q.7: There is a tendency towards polygamy. What is the good side and what is the bad side of it?
HH BVPS Maharaja: Tendency, but not reality. If you can’t take care of one woman, you are not gonna be able to take care of two. To understand what you need about grihastha life to go back to Godhead, you only need one.
Now, let’s look at it why in the contemporary sense there would be an interest? Because the man doesn’t know how to behave, therefore he is not getting a good response, because that is his woman. So he turns his attention to another woman who he doesn’t belong to. And in that he thinks he is getting a nice response. “My wife doesn’t respond well, this woman does. See, I am the man, just my wife doesn’t understand, I still got it.” He thinks like that. But in reality, that’s only because that second woman doesn’t own him yet. As soon she owns him, she’ll act exactly the way the wife does. In other words, if you think about it, the wife before marriage acted just like this second woman is acting now. Because a woman is a woman.
So the solution is to become properly trained and properly deal with the woman, then what it is you are looking for, you will get from the one you have now. And if you don’t act properly with them, there is no woman on the planet that you are gonna do well with. Point is is if you can be successful with one, you could be successful with any, so therefore if you are not successful with one, you can’t be successful with any. But the whole point is is with one you can go very deep. If you are a playboy, you don’t go very deep with them. I mean, James Bond shoots every one of them. So then how far does he ever get? It makes a good movie, but it doesn’t make for a happy family life. In other words, one is looking for depth of relationship. If one isn’t then basically one is a looser. Because if you can’t properly develop relationship with the devotees, you can’t go back to Godhead. And James Bond doesn’t exist. So the reality is sitting right here in this room. You are who you are and unless you can properly interact with others, then how are you ever going to develop relationships with the people of the spiritual world? In other words, what one is looking for in a relationship, one can find that with one’s own partner. The Vedic concept of polygamy is that the wife is happy and then one has another, but what’s the reason for the second? Does that make sense?